A Benz and a Backpack

This "thing" changed my life

and I remember it vividly. I was heading back to school fresh of off winter break. 2005 had just begun and I had a little money in my pocket. I did not have enough money to buy a full-fledged iPod, so this glorified USB drive would have to do. I think the original Shuffle could hold around 100 songs and for someone with musical ADD like me - it was perfect. You could plug it in, sync your playlist, and be on your way. At this time in my life, my iTunes library was my life's most prized possession. Making sure this thing was charged was also a huge priority :). 

I was also coming off a personally tough break. I had recently been in a relationship and it ended badly. It was also January - cold, dreary, and just a depressing time of the year. I needed a pick me up and just the opportunity to zone out for a while. The iPod Shuffle became my panacea. All around campus you were starting to notice little white earbuds in ears as far as the eye could see. The iPod was taking over. So when I say that this little gadget changed my life - it wasn't always for the benefit of all mankind. You could just pop in those little white earbuds and zone out. We all began to resemble mind-controlled zombies practically overnight. No one was talking to each other. 

I mentioned I needed a pick me up and a change. I needed to feel myself again. Music provided that escape. The Shuffle was the perfect vessel - full of songs from every genre. When I think back to that time, I really hyperfocus on one artist who just seemed to get me out of this funk. That artist was Kanye West (crazy right?!?!). The College Dropout had just come out the year before and I had every song from that album on my Shuffle. There was nothing better to me than walking out of class, putting in those earbuds, rolling the Shuffle's proverbial dice - and boom! - All Falls Down (always had a crush on Stacey Dash) comes on  It just put so much happiness back in me. To say that The College Dropout was refreshing when it came out is a HUGE understatement. Most of the hip hop I grew up loving glorified a life I was incredibly far from living. I have always loved hip-hop, but Kanye just was different. It felt like he was a college student, who worked at the mall, who happened to also rap. It was real and relatable. 

I had the Polos and I even raided my dad's closet for his old sportcoats to wear with hoodies. Popped collars were now at every party. I don't think I've ever listened to an album more than I did The College Dropout. I had a burnt copy in my car that I just never took out. I also don't think an album has positively influenced me more than that album did. In my mind, it was the perfect album, and he would never top it........but in my opinion he did. 

Not much later after The College Dropout released came Late Registration. I remember getting goosebumps the first time I heard it. In my eyes, and more importantly ears, it was flawlessly executed and the features were incredible. Bernie Mac opened up the album, but then when Adam Levine came in on Heard Em Say - it was just indescribable. Lupe Fiasco burst on the scene with this album. I was a senior in college and Late Registration dominated that year. The dance floor at the Neon Cactus could be empty and then Gold Digger would come on and it suddenly became packed. They would even play it multiple times a night just to get people dancing. The album was and is still a masterpiece to me. Those tough times I had at the beginning of 2005 suddenly disappeared thanks to the realness of those two albums. Things continued to look up - I was graduating and I also happened to meet my future wife around this time. 

I apologize if you were looking for me to critique these two albums more closely, but I'm stating the obvious - they're incredible. You don't need me to tell you that. I brought up these two albums because they really did help get me through some tough times - not because of the positive content, but rather it just took my mind off of everything else. It helped me escape. I wanted to be like Kanye. I really struggle about what to think about Kanye today. It's so easy to be critical and judgmental, but I know he struggles like everyone else. It just happens to be a lot more public than most people. I really did not dive into his other albums like the first two. I just kind of fell off the Kanye train. Just like he raps on I Love Kanye - I do miss the old Kanye. 

To me, Kanye West is to music as Bobby Fischer was to chess. Haunted by constant whispers of "what if". Ironically they're both from Chicago. 

 Thank you Kanye for those first two albums - they meant a lot to me in 2005 and still do today. And thank you to Steve Jobs for providing me with an overpriced, glorified USB stick that allowed me to have my own personal soundtrack. They both helped. 

Walt Grace's Submarine Test

I could just title this post "John Mayer" and erase all mystery, but what fun is that? All title possibilities aside, this is a post that has meant a lot to me and my love of music. I meddled with the right way to roll out my thoughts in this post and...struggled. I wanted to do my homework. I also wanted to do the content justice. I started this post nearly a month ago and continually went back to it, erased, wrote, erased, and wrote again. John Mayer has meant a lot to me musically, then not so much, then a lot, then not so much. To me, his music is all about life's journey in many aspects - falling in love with something, out of love, and then back again. I feel like Walt Grace writing this post. I'm trying to build my own submarine, but I have no idea what I'm doing :).

I had the privilege of finding out about John Mayer from the ground floor. I was a freshman in college and I had a couple of friends who were really in tune with up and coming musicians. They passed along his name and the only content available at that time was his EP - Inside Wants Out. During spring break of my freshman year, my friends and I were lucky enough to score tickets to see John on back-to-back nights at the Chicago House of Blues. No opening act, just John and a limited catalog of songs. He was new on to the scene and a far cry from the John you see today. He looked like every other clean-cut frat guy in college - Steve Madden shoes, J. Crew button up, and Diesel jeans. The two shows were incredible and I knew this guy was going to be huge. The biggest takeaway from those nights was his sense of humor and the fact that he covered songs from all genres and did it flawlessly. He had a goofy, self-confidence. We also had the privilege of meeting John one morning at a press release for Room for Squares at a Chicago record store. I got his autograph on a poster and was even able to ask him some quick, rather dumb questions. It was a moment I'll never forget. Especially to see where he is now and to witness some of his beginnings. I'll probably never be able to see him in that small of a setting ever again.

Part of the snobbery that goes along with enjoying new artists is the disdain you have when one of your favorite artists suddenly blows up to a broader audience. Audiences that just annoy you begin latching on to their content. John Mayer went from a college radio, coffee shop artist to playing arenas filled with pre-Taylor Swift fans. It seemed to happen overnight. The song Daughters completely changed his target demographic. Comfortable was equally huge in the college circles but never had the radio play. I have always said that you need to enjoy an artist on their first two albums. Why two? Because it seems that they start to reach for creative outlets and tinker with their sound and influences.

I suddenly lost interest in John for several years but found myself coming back out of nowhere. Why? Because when I began to analyze the musical progression through his career - I felt like it mirrored my own transition from adolescence to adulthood. The same life changes that John was expressing through his music were changes that I feel I can all relate to. I'm going to attempt to, in a probably awful way, explain how we're all in each of his albums. A modern-day Odysseus trying to find his way back to Ithaca.

Room For Squares
"This is very, very fast, and I promise to catch up." John's remarks on this album are my thoughts exactly. This album, to me, reflected on the changes of leaving home for college. You still have the attachments to your hometown, but you are now on your own - a fish out of water. For me, it was finding my way at a university of over 40,000. You want to fit in, but you want to stand out. The naiveness, the blunders, the awkwardness around new people. There were parties where you told lies to look cool and when you wore clothes to fit in with certain crowds. You may never see these people again. It was the transition from high-schooler, to wannabe hippie, to will I join a frat to get into the parties, to I'm from Chicago (but really a suburb 45 minutes away), to what do you have to offer my future. Driving forward down the highway while looking in the rearview mirror. One foot in the future and one foot in the past. I always think of this album when I drive into a city. I don't know exactly why, but to me, it symbolizes all of the energy (good and bad) that a city brings.

Heavier Things
This album was when I started to fade away from John. The reason - I was dating a girl in a residence hall and when I visited all I heard was Daughters. The target demographic was changing. Yuck!

One thing that I've always admired about John is his ability to capture the melancholy in moments. I was around 21 at the time of this release. To me, the album seemed rushed and demanded from Mayer by external influences. Mayer himself gave this album a B-. For me, this album symbolizes heartbreak - a trip to Taco Bell (sounded like a good idea at the time, but something you end up regretting). At the time, I had realized that I was not going to fit in with certain crowds. Many of my friends had gone different paths and I suddenly began to wonder what was my identity. I was from a small town in Indiana and I had become tired of trying to fit in with everyone dreaming of a job in a big city. Friends were now finding themselves in serious relationships. I was in a brief relationship that ended poorly and this album just reminds me of that. The good and the bad. In the end, great experiences, but like I stated before - a rushed project. Like a stage performer not sure what to do with their hands. Trying to do something for the sake of doing something. Just like using the term "Things" in the title.

Continuum
This album came 3 years after Heavier Things and for good reason. "I'm obsessed with time lately, constantly crunching the numbers to get some sense of where I stand in the continuum." These were words from John as he was creating his third album. This is an album I often forget about because of Waiting on the World to Change. First impressions are everything and this song leads off this album, and I just skip it every time. It is an underrated album for many reasons. To me this album symbolizes change. The fact that you are going to be on your own very soon. The ride you've enjoyed in college is coming to a close. You're moving on and so are your friends. Friends are moving to jobs in the city. It's something I have written about before. I think John sums up how many of us feel when something is coming to a close in the song - Stop This Train. "Stop this train. I want to get off and go home again. I can't take the speed it's moving in. I know I can't. But, honestly, won't someone stop this train?"

Battle Studies
This album is my favorite of all of John's albums. I love this album because of how real, and raw it is. It's so melancholy and I love it for those reasons. I feel like John could have cared less who bought this album and just made it for his own reasons. It's John's hand on the stove moment. He knows not to do it, but he's going to do it anyway. I think we've all had many of those moments. I personally love Edge of Desire. He just lays it all out there on this album. We often turn to music to bring out the positive, but as a child of 90's alternative, I love the melancholy mood of this album. It's real. "There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me."

Born and Raised
When this album showed up in my mailbox - my wife asked me two questions -
1. Who still buys CDs?
2. Why would you buy that album? I've heard it has not gotten great reviews.
I personally love this album because I feel like we all have some Allman Brothers in us. We all have that desire to move to Montana, grow out our hair, and just disappear. I know that sounds appealing to me. John got a lot of grief about this album when it was first released. It was almost Weezer's Pinkertonesque. He also did not have any time to promote this album due to health concerns. It's almost a forgotten album. I love, love, love this album. Growing up in a family that prized classic rock from the 70s, I feel like this is my 70s classic rock. I also feel that John took a lot of the initial criticism album of this album very personally. He questioned himself. There is an amazing Twitter thread where fans praised John for his work on this album. That Twitter thread gave John great validation for the work he put into this album. Just listen to it as you drive down the road - it will definitely bring a smile to your face. "Alive in the age of worry. Smile in the age of worry. Go wild in the age of worry. And sing Worry, why should I care?"

Paradise Valley
I personally have not invested that much time into this album. I really don't have any opinion about the album as a whole, but it does have a couple of songs that were a continuation of Born and Raised. I love Wildfire, Paper Doll (multiple Taylor Swift references in one post?) and most importantly - Dear Marie. Dear Marie is a nice segway into his latest album and, for me, sums up growing old. We all have our own version of the "good ole days". I love the lyrics of Dear Marie and is a nice segway to John's next album. It also is a reflection on days you'll never get back but can smile fondly about. "Dear Marie, tell me what it was I used to be? And if you're further up the road. Can you show me what I still can't see?"

The Search for Everything
This album hit me like a ton of bricks - in a good way. The title, the songs - I love everything about this album. It was like John was researching himself and decided to mix a little bit of each album into this one. He had come full circle. I often comment that the first two albums by any band or artist are always going to be their best work. Not in John's body of work. Albums like this make me admire John Mayer ever more because I feel that he is constantly thinking about what to do next. "How much of my mother has my mother left in me? How much of my love will be insane to some degree? And what about this feeling that I'm never good enough? Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?" Perhaps Odysseus' triumphant return to Ithaca thirty years after he had left.

The frat boy beginnings, the self-proclaimed ego addict, the long hair and Montana ranch, the recovering ego addict, the full-circle return to how it all started - that is why I always go back to John Mayer no matter the mood, the setting, or the time of the year. I see myself in him as I'm always thinking about what is next and reflecting on what has been. Just like in High Fidelity - John Mayer will always be in my Top 5.

I hope I did that some justice...

A Pirate Looks at Eighteen

Yes, I am a pirate, two hundred years too late

Two of the best albums to ever play in my 1987 Honda Civic via my Aiwa CD player were suspiciously procured. I think if my parents ever found the original artwork of one of the CDs - I would probably never be allowed to purchase a CD again. Those two CDs were Dr. Dre's 2001 and Outkast's Stankonia. What they had in common - they were both copies of the original. They were both purchased in the high school parking lot, out of the trunk of a car, from a classmate. Each CD was $5. With his parent's wise and innovative purchase of a computer with a CD-RW drive, he suddenly had found a sustainable revenue source and minor celebrity. We had become digital pirates and bootleggers - in small-town Indiana.

My precious binder of CDs was no longer filled with the beautiful, immediately-recognizable artwork of classic 90s albums. It was now filled with silver and gold colored CD-Rs marked up with a Sharpie. What started out with single albums being copied quickly turned into precisely-mixed CDs. The days of taping off the radio were gone. In my opinion, Napster was at partially the reason for the decline of the music industry, but really - for a kid like me - it was the CD-RW burner drive. For the price of one CD, I could now have three. CDs were exchanging hands at my school like - well...use your imagination. You wanted a copy of the latest Limp Bizkit's release? - $5. Copies were everywhere.

This image above was suddenly the biggest purchase you could make - even if you did not have a rewriteable drive at home. You could take a few of these to a friend's house and you could look through his collection and "burn" your favorites. Computers were being built with more storage, rewritable drives, and Napster. Way before iTunes was launched, we knew that the need for a whole album was quickly fading away. The way we approached buying music was changing - or should I say not buying music. I had a copy of Jack Johnson's Brushfire Fairytales before it was even released. 

Napster was quickly eroding away - the feds and Lars Ulrich were hot on the trail. A simple search for Tupac was no longer - you had to type in Toopac or 2Pac. Nine Inch Nails became 9 Inch Nails or 9 In. Nails. I was becoming a huge Barenaked Ladies fan and in order to get the tracks I wanted - I had to type it in as BaReNaKeD LaDiEs. The feds were catching on, but there were certainly workarounds. Spelling and letter arrangement was one. As long as T1 lines existed on campuses all over America - file sharing was alive and well. It did occur to me that stealing someone else's artistic work was wrong, but I never thought I would get caught. I have mentioned it in earlier posts, but my generation was certainly brought up in a world of digital piracy. A world our parents had no idea how to respond to. In that world, it was ok to take someone else's music without paying for it - Why? - because we enjoyed their work.  I can remember people being upset with Lars Ulrich from Metallica due to his stance on Napster and file sharing. People revolting on Metallica??? I quickly heard about and moved on to Kazaa once Napster was shut down. Take a look at this Wikipedia page - the amount of file sharing sites/programs that launched between 2000-2002 is astounding. Once you had a taste for downloading what you wanted - it was tough to wash out. 

It's amazing to reflect on the evolution of how we enjoy music. I love listening to the decade channels of SiriusXM each morning all because with a simple click I can enjoy six decades of music. The message of music has not changed, but the format we enjoy it in has undergone a tremendous evolution. Vinyl records to 8 tracks to cassettes to CDs to copied CDs to illegally downloaded songs to purchased songs on iTunes to streaming - it all has the same purpose - to fit your mood. And just like everything else, the pendulum always swings back. I now take immense pride in my vinyl collection and a fellow teacher and I were just marveling over his 8 Track collection the other day. 

I wish I had that 87 Civic back (and the gas prices that came with it), but I do still have the majority of my copied CDs. For a person who remembers way too much - it is all about the memories within that silver Maxell. The immediate transportation to a time I cannot get back. 

To conclude this post and to also humble myself - I fondly remember those CDs I created for others - namely girls I liked. A learning experience and a source of laughter and embarrassment. Nothing says I want (or more importantly hope) to be in a relationship with you like creating a CD with either what you perceive to be her favorites or ones that you think she'll like (bad idea). I leave you with one of my favorite quotes about mixtape creation from one of my all-time favorite books and movies - the quintessential High Fidelity. 

To me, making a tape is like writing a letter — there’s a lot of erasing and rethinking and starting again […] A good compilation tape, like breaking up, is hard to do. You’ve got to kick it off with a corker, to hold the attention […], and then you’ve got to up it a notch, or cool it a notch, […] and . . . oh, there are loads of rules.

Say It Ain't So

"Parents today want to take all the pain, all the heartache and all the sadness out of their kids' lives. All the things that make you a better person, a better coach, a better teacher - all the things that are so much the fabric of life. I'm so much better for every loss I've had." - Rick Majerus

Yes...and I'm guilty of that as a parent. Why? Because you've experienced some of those pains, heartaches, and sadnesses. The last thing you want for your kids is to live through your past experiences. Especially the ones that weren't so happy. 

My class was always a pretty tight one because I think we all had a lot in common. While the 90s were ideal to grow up in, it was not all viewed through rose-colored glasses. Much of the reason that I've started writing this blog is to pay homage to the songs that got me through those tough times. The songs that raised me. As an adult, you look back on your adolescence and you are grateful for the highs and the lows. You are grateful for the experiences you had. The fear, the rejection, the depression, but you also remember the victories, the acceptance, and the laughter. Music certainly was (and still is) my ibuprofen. I often would comment to my students when I taught high school that the most important thing you learn about in college is - yourself. 

It's hard for me to believe that I've been out of high school for 17 years. Some memories seem like yesterday, while I struggle to remember others. Maybe it's selective memory :).  Like many classes, we've all grown older and apart. Social media certainly helps, but it is crazy to think that I haven't seen some friends for over a decade. As I look back at our high school experience, we were never really heralded as the "best" in anything. We didn't really draw any attention (either good or bad). We were just kind of there - under the radar. In my eyes, that is certainly not a bad thing. We had a class full of talented, smart kids. As we prepared to leave high school, we all started to branch out on our own paths. It happens everywhere and is a part of graduation quickly approaching on the horizon. Athletics weren't nearly as dominant in our lives and classmates had jobs, serious relationships, or new hobbies to occupy their time. The line that you hear often during this time is, "I can't wait to get out of here."

Then time just gets lost and your eyes are forward and focused on the future. You're making plans for August and what university/college you'll be attending. All of the things that were a big deal to you in years' prior now seem insignificant. Then something comes along that makes time come to a screeching halt. A moment that just seems to sum it all up. That halt for my class came in the form of a classmate dying. Dying unexpectedly. I remember it like yesterday. Brad was a friend of mine, not close, but a friend. I had known him since elementary school. He was charismatic, goofy, and the life of the party. He was here one day and then just - gone. This all happened on the last day of our senior year. I remember gathering for our class campout and someone mentioning that Brad was in a horrible accident and had to be lifelined. At the time, you think nothing of it, he'll be fine and in the care of physicians. But then you hear that he didn't make it. Bam! It hits you like a ton of bricks. His mother had been in a serious car accident earlier in the year and was in a coma and later passed. Just an awful time for his family. Rather than celebrating our graduation and accomplishments - we were mourning the loss of a classmate. You're reminded that you're not so invincible and nothing is guaranteed. I remember reading an article in a Rolling Stone in college where Dave Matthews talked about a similar experience while writing the song So Damn Lucky. "Well I've been in a few car wrecks. I think five - one or two serious - before I ever drove a car. I was growing up in South Africa at a time when the youth was reckless, irreverent and excited knowing that the future of the country was uncertain. I'm familiar with that feeling of silence that comes with a very imminent catastrophe"

At the time of Brad's death, I remember that silence that Dave mentions and one song in particular. That song is Weezer's Say It Ain't So. It's a personal, cathartic song for Rivers Cuomo and one that is full of pain. A spite song you could say. Every time I hear that song I think of my time in high school and how it all culminated. Brad's death brought us all together one last time, but signified us all moving on in different directions. That song can come on anytime, anywhere and I immediately think of how one of the happiest times of our lives immediately turned into one of the saddest. The lyrics to Say It Ain't So cause me to reflect on where I've been. They also remind me that something good always comes out of something bad. Looking back I'm grateful for the pain, the losses, and the valleys. They certainly made me a better person. 

R.I.P Brad

Send Me On My Way

A staple of any high school experience is your first job. My first job was working at a local mom-and-pop sporting goods store downtown in my hometown. it was conveniently located next to a hippie store and just down the block from an old-fashioned record store. Hours were flexible, it was easy, and one of the perks was that I got to work with many of my friends. My friends and I often worked the shift from 4 to close. We were never really busy and mostly got our "checklist" done early. To say it was a local version of Empire Records may be a bit of an overstatement, but it definitely felt like that to me. One of my fondest memories of working there was the small CD player that we would break out when the owners were gone for the evening. The small sporting goods store suddenly turned into our own radio studio.

Mind you these were the days when all of my friends were driving and having a CD player in your car was essential. We all had those massive binders with the clear pages that you would insert your CDs. You guarded your CD collection with your life. Just think about it, you had hundreds of dollars invested in those small, circular discs. Today we worry about our phones or computers being stolen out of our cars, but back then it was your CDs. We all would bring in our CD binders from our cars and listen away. These were also the days before you could custom make mixtape CDs using a burner. Once you popped in that compact disc, you had to roll with it from to track 1 to track 14. In these days of streaming, how many people really know every track to a newly released album? My guess would be not many.

One of the perks of working at this mom-and-pop sporting goods store was that former employees would come back and work on their college breaks. We had several of them. The benefit - college trends and college music. If you wanted to be a cool high schooler - the easiest way was to figure out what was cool in college. I remember working on these breaks and just soaking up all of their information like a sponge. I suddenly had to have Birkenstock sandals and vintage t-shirts. I wasn't going to the normal stores in the mall anymore, but to Hot Topic for the latest concert shirt. I was engrossed in Rusted Root, Ben Harper, and a new artist by the name of Jack Johnson. I would go home and immediately download as many of those songs as I could on Napster. Like I've eluded to in previous posts, you're always trying to find where you fit in during adolescence. I felt like when I discovered that music it was exactly what I had been looking for.

I have many great memories of working at that sporting goods store. It was therapeutic in many ways. Our own little version of Empire Records. We really didn't get a lot of work done there, but it was a chance for us to talk and lose ourselves in the music of the time. Everything from Stone Temple Pilots to Matchbox 20 to Nelly and Bob Marley - it was all there. I still have all of my CDs from that time and consider them treasured possessions. I'm also very grateful for those that were older than me and exposed me to music I may never have come across. I have been listening to a lot to Rusted Root's When I Woke recently, and it just brings back so many great memories. It definitely defines what I feel is unique about my generation. I feel like we're just all chameleons that could blend into any environment. At least that was always my goal.

A Bridge

You often find things you were looking for when you weren't looking for them. Sounds cliche right? When laying the groundwork for this blog I felt that I had it thoroughly planned out in a "written down on a restaurant napkin” fashion. Posts were flowing from my brain until I hit a block. It happens. I wouldn't say it was writer's block, but I was coming up on a transition. I needed a "bridge" post. We all know what a bridge is in everyday life. A bridge in music is loosely defined as a section of music that helps a song reach its resolution. I'm nowhere near the end of this blog, but I needed a bridge.

Being a fan of music and growing up in the 90s, everything seemed to evolve so fast. Technology, trends, genres - really just about everything. And then I felt, all of that cultural momentum slowed down towards the end of high school. For me, that momentum slowed due to priorities and just becoming more self-aware. Essentially - growing pains. As the Drake song title states, I was "In My Feelings". I kept thinking to myself what was one album that defined the transition from happy-go-lucky kid to surviving high school and transitioning to college?

We all have that guilty pleasure when it comes to music. It may be an artist, a song, or an album. Think back to your playlists that you may have running through your head. You have a guilty pleasure. I don't think my guilty pleasure is really that embarrassing, but I feel it is definitely a very underappreciated album. Give it a listen and I think you'll agree. I was driving to work the other day and the 90's on 9 was dialed in. A quiet glance out the window as I drove through campus and then BOOM! it hit me. I had my bridge and it was Third Eye Blind's first album

I may be going out on a limb with this one, but the first Third Eye Blind album is absolutely incredible. Many of you will agree. This album was a bridge for me in high school. It was post-grunge alternative, but pre-soft alternative and emo. It was before I got into Dave Matthews Band/Ben Harper/Jack Johnson/Rusted Root and the list goes on. To put it simply it was a bridge between Pearl Jam and Dashboard Confessional or Nirvana and Matchbox 20. Lyrically, the album is heavy, but I feel it describes a lot of the experiences of a teenager in transition. The poppy feel of the album really masks some serious content. The album is that splash your face with water and stare in the mirror or just laying on your bed and staring at the ceiling. It was your parents telling you to get a job/being urged to complete a college application/your circle of friends shrinking/a girl rejecting you/depression - just all that comes with adolescence. Semi-Charmed Life, Jumper, Graduate, How's It Going To Be, Losing A Whole Year - all of these songs represent the highs and lows of growing up to me. Besides Weezer's El Scorcho, the introduction to Third Eye Blind's Graduate is my second favorite introduction of all time. I think I repeated that line all the time in high school and college. 

Third Eye Blind's first album was an important bridge for me and one that I did not realize until I was halfway through my 30's. It hold's the same significance for me that Modest Mouse's Good News for People Who Love Bad News does. Music that just helps you get through some tough times. Music isn't always meant to evoke positive emotions, but can also be a powerful reminder that you've made it through some tough times. A bridge from one place to another. 

Sir Dave

Taking a break from writing about memories and albums to expand on a random thought I had during the middle of the night. By no means is it scholarly analysis, but certainly great conversation over a beer after work.

I've always been a Beatles fan. A very, surface level Beatles fan. I did not get into them heavily until college, but I knew many of their songs growing up. I mean, who didn't? I'm a huge fan of their psychedelic years. I admittedly get goosebumps when I turn on the Sgt. Pepper Lonely Hearts Club Band album and every external distraction around me immediately fades away. I feel a bit like Chuck Klosterman when I say the Beatles were ahead of their time. Duh!! Enough of stating obvious facts about the Beatles that the whole world knows. I'm writing now to talk about Sir Paul McCartney. For many, Paul McCartney is a god-like figure and rightfully so. He's had enormous success in whatever he's touched. Whether it be from the Beatles, Wings, and a successful solo career - Paul has been relevant in almost every decade since the 60s. When people see Paul they are immediately transformed to their youth listening to Beatles records. When The Beatles broke up in 1970, there was a huge void left in pop music. Paul filled that void for millions purely based on his love of music. As icons from that generation have come and gone - Paul has remained relevant with more than one musical venture. He receives genuine joy from creating art for others. He knows his significance, not based on popularity, but what his art has meant to people's lives. He could be a recluse quietly basking in his success, but he chooses to be present because he knows his work is important to people. When James Corden featured Paul McCartney on Carpool Karaoke it was one of the best moments I've ever seen. To see James get emotional talking about his dad and grandfather and their recollections of their favorite Beatles' songs is what this blog is all about. Music creates memories - ones that last a lifetime. You make connections based on the emotions tied to songs. Wherever he went, someone had a story relating to some moment in Paul's career. I watch that video over and over. It just brings me so much joy.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that my generation has a Paul McCartney. He may not be as accomplished as Sir Paul (plus he's not in his 70s), but he embodies all of the same qualities. That person for me is Dave Grohl. That's right, I'm comparing Dave Grohl to Paul McCartney. My reasoning mirrors many of the points in the paragraph above about Paul. Nirvana was one of the biggest bands of the 90s, if not a generation. When I think of alternative/grunge I immediately think of Pearl Jam and Nirvana. The band's run ended in 1994 after the death of Kurt Cobain - leaving a musical void for many. When I watched an interview with Dave on CBS Sunday Morning, Dave talks about how lost he was and then details the dark times that followed. He was heartbroken, to say the least. Dave knew that he had to continue to create music not only for himself but for those who felt the same as he did when Nirvana's run ended. Dave is being completely real and you feel it. You watch that segment and you see the genuineness in his answers and more importantly - the laughter coming out of the interviewer's mouth. Dave Grohl is a guy that I want to hang out with, not because he's a mega-famous rockstar, but he's a guy that understands his importance to others. He ends the interview on CBS Sunday morning with this quote, "I love music and I love life." From Nirvana to the Foo Fighters, Dave Grohl has been that bridge for my generation. When I see him or hear his work, I'm immediately transported in my memories just like those who grew up in the Beatles-era are with Paul McCartney. He's a link to Kurt, flannel, and that Seattle sound.

If the Queen of England were still in charge of America - I'm almost certain that Dave Grohl would be knighted, thus the title of this post - Sir Dave. Thank you, Dave Grohl, for not only making fantastic music but for being a fantastic person. I hope that one day I can hang with Dave and the Foo Fighters.

P.S. James - please do the Carpool Karaoke feature you did with Paul with many more musicians. It was incredibly powerful.

56KBPS

One of the staples of any household in the 90s was a desktop computer. I'm pretty sure it cost a fortune at the time and had little memory, but it was literally a gateway to the world. I have fond memories of my dad installing Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego and playing SimCity (hold the Shift key and type "FUND" for $10,000). I always marveled at his mastery of the DOS command box (c:/). We had a Gateway 2000 at my house, and they seemed like they were everywhere at the time. They even had brick and mortar stores. I think part of that had to do with the fact that my dad worked for the school system and we were familiar with them since they were everywhere in schools. We had dial-up internet provided by GTE running at a blazing 56kbps per our modem. The internet was obviously was fledgling in the late 90s, but two specific applications really changed things for me forever. Those two - ICQ and Napster.

With the introduction of Napster and ICQ, the computer quickly changed from a pure information/entertainment medium to a rabbit hole of time-wasting overnight - purely due to the internet. If you are not familiar with ICQ, it was essentially the first online instant messenger. Its icon was a flower and you were assigned a unique user ID number, much like a phone number. When you wanted to connect with people via ICQ you had to give them this number. The flower icon had different and different icons associated with it to indicate your level of availability to chat. This meant that the days of actually having to call a girl on her home phone were long gone. You didn't have to worry about some girl's dad picking up the phone on the other end of a little brother or sister listening in on your conversation. Similar to how teenagers use text messaging and apps on the phones without ever actually talking to someone. I felt like I used ICQ for many years and really did not get into AOL Instant Messenger until I was in college. Looking back, ICQ, meant the first time where I started to assume how people felt about me purely based on online interactions (based on an icon, an availability color, or a non-response).

I will most likely have many posts about Napster simply because it was such a big deal to a kid with limited disposable income. To say it was a game-changer for a music lover is a gross understatement. Not only was it an amazing medium to illegally obtain music, but it also indicated a culture shift. It introduced the modern pirate. Long gone were the days where I had to scrounge up $15 to purchase a CD. I could now just download individual songs that I liked and listen to them over and over without any cost. This obviously was dependent on the very limited space on my Gateway 2000's hard drive :). Like many my age, that did not have access to a T1 line, you woke up each morning, opened Napster, and tried to find a college kid's stream who had the song that you wanted and click download. You really hoped for someone who had a T1 line on the other end, even a DSL, but you would definitely take a hard swallow and settle for someone with a 32kbps connection if it really was a song that you wanted. There was one obvious caveat to all of this. My parents wanting to use the phone. I can remember many times being 75% of the way done downloading a song and my mom would pick up the phone and completely cut off our modem's connection - thus stopping the download. That simple. I then crossed my fingers that I could find another acceptable connection to finish out the rest of the download. That bonus track from your favorite artist that was only found on the Japanese release would have to wait.

It definitely was the wild west days of the internet. I think that many in my generation are such proponents of net neutrality because we grew up very much rooted in a culture of Internet piracy. We weren't taught digital citizenship - we were flagbearers on the Queen Anne's Revenge. You can't tell us what to do with our internet :). We were not accustomed to paying for things that we could find free. I continued to download songs illegally all the way into college until it actually hit home that students at my university were being fined thousands of dollars for illegally downloading songs. Money I did not have and a risk I was no longer willing to take.

I can still picture it. Me sitting in front of our desktop, playing Command and Conquer, chatting with some friend on ICQ, and downloading Len's Steal My Sunshine (not buying that CD).

Dr. Martens, Abercrombie, and No Limit

My dad used to tell this story when he briefly attended college in Iowa. Back then, Coors Beer was not available east of the Mississippi River and Stroh's Beer was not available west of the Mississippi. The scenario he described was simple. Buy a bunch of Stroh's, take it to Iowa, trade it for Coors and then sell it for a premium in Indiana. Was the beer really that good or was it that you just could not get it where you lived? I side with the latter. The same situation existed for me with Yuengling. It just does not quite taste the same in Indiana as it did when I had to go to Ohio to get it. In the 90s, this situation also existed for me. It was in the form of clothing with the words Abercrombie and Fitch. I have no idea when Abercrombie became so popular, but it seemed to blow up overnight. The problem for me was that the nearest store was two and a half hours away. Ordering from the catalog did not seem like something my mom would be up for at the time :).

The other problem was that you never knew when you were going to get to Indy and saving money was a new concept for me. By sophomore year I had a job but also had my license. Abercrombie anything was the thing to have. I heard stories of people going to Indy and spending hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars on Abercrombie apparel. I think, looking back, I initially had a hat. An Abercrombie Lacrosse hat - what a poser. Once Abercrombie moved into Fort Wayne, like my beer analogy, it lost its luster. The fascination with Abercrombie clothes carried on for about a decade longer, but it never quite was the status symbol it was in my early high school years. The 90s was such a contrast in trends. Just a few years prior, JNCO jeans and Grateful Dead shirts were huge. We were now obsessed with looking like an east coast rugby player vacationing on Martha's Vineyard.

I have always loved shoes. I attribute a lot of this to the era when NBA/NFL/MLB players were all rolling out signature shoes. You looked up to these athletes and you thought their shoes would help you perform like them. You had to have them and some are now worth a lot of money. It was a harsh reality putting on Bo Jackson's Nike Air Trainer's and not being able to break a bat on your thigh :). Anyway, the summer I turned 16 I begged my parents for a pair of Dr. Marten's. Like Abercrombie clothing, I had seen the boots on some popular guys (that I looked up to) at my school and wanted to look just like them. We were on vacation in Traverse City and happened to go to the mall there. They had a Buckle and my mom agreed to make the purchase. It was the most expensive pair of shoes I had ever owned. I also knew that it was the only pair I would ever get, so I better take care of them. I remember getting into a car accident my sophomore year and my first thought - can the blood be cleaned off my Dr. Martens? I still have my pair. I still have a lot of shoes and my wife complains. I just take such good care of them because I'm afraid that I'll never get another pair. It's just something ingrained in me through experience.

When you're 16 you feel free. You get your license and you're off. I had an '87 Honda Civic. One of the first things I did was have my dad put a CD player in it. My friends did the same and some even added some sweet Rockford Fosgate's to the trunks. Bass was big! I really could have cared less about anything else in or on the car. One of the strangest phenomena of being 16 in Indiana (at least where I grew up) was the surge in popularity of No Limit Records. Like the trends mentioned earlier, it seemed to come out of nowhere and wasn't really that great, but it was EVERYWHERE and popular in the media. Once Master P's single Make Em Say Uhh! dropped, it felt like a new No Limit personality/rapper appeared each week. It seemed impossible to keep up with each new release, but my friends with Columbia House subscriptions were dealing their CDs in our school like they were illegal drugs. It was amazing how big some rappers from New Orleans posing in front of green screens were in the mid to late 90s. Those album covers were LEGENDARY. The hysteria grew even larger in the Fort Wayne area when Master P signed to play for the Fort Wayne Fury of the CBA.

Sophomore year was really strange....

Favorite No Limit Song: Big Ed - Rodeo

A Trip to Garden Grove

When I was a junior at Purdue University, I took an African-American literature class. Purdue is a very, very diverse university, but at the time, African American students were a very small percentage of that diversity. After growing up in a predominantly white community, I was excited to take a class with students from all walks of life. The professor was tough but engaging. She also had a sense of humor and was open to discussing very sensitive topics in a constructive manner. During one of the lectures, she simply asked if racism still existed in our society. A very blanket, general question, but one that garnered some major silence in the small classroom. I remember that we had one Purdue basketball player in our class (he happened to be African-American). He was the brave one that spoke up - knowing that he would be challenged by the professor. He responded that he did not feel that younger generations perceived race to be important. His reasoning - television and musical influences. He cited MTV, BET, HBO, etc. He explained that so much of our generation's influence came from the media - not news sources, but entertainment sources. For one moment our professor was speechless. The media of the 90s was a melting pot of cultural influence. I could not have agreed with him more.

Posts up to this point have had a really broad focus. I've covered years, genres, and trends, but I want to highlight one album that I feel really defined my current musical genre loves. A melting pot of an album that can really be classified into many genres. It's also fitting that this album came out right before I began high school. Everything from the songs, to the lifestyle, to the drama behind scenes really set into motion my high school years and beyond. The album I am speaking of is Sublime by Sublime. Their third and final studio album with their full cast of characters.

Every time a song from this album comes on, especially in a group setting, you can look around the room and see its influence. People mouthing the words and bobbing their heads. It's an amazing mix of punk rock, reggae, ska, dancehall, hip-hop, and dub. Everything that the 90s exuded. I remember getting into Bob Marley and reggae after this album. I remember looking up what Santeria was on Microsoft Encarta (haha). All of the videos associated with the songs are iconic. I remember singing the songs with the team on the back of the football bus coming home from games. It seemed to dominate my freshman year and is an album I continue to go back to over and over. I wanted to be those guys. I wanted to move to California and live that carefree, Animal House lifestyle that they portrayed. It would be later on that I would find out that there was a lot going on with the band behind the scenes and why they never released another album with this crew. Bradley Nowell, the lead singer, would die shortly after from a heroin overdose. A common theme in the 90s. Nowell was even ejected from the recording of the album before it was finished because of his addiction. One of those times as a kid when you realize that some of the people you look up to aren't as perfect as you think.

I would later get into the other Sublime albums. This one is just so iconic to me for many reasons. It blended everything I loved into one compact disc. I'm instantly transported back in time everytime I listen. I'm a huge Jack Johnson fan and his cover of the band's song Badfish is one of the reasons it is my favorite song. I used to teach English and would have my sophomore students complete a 90s research project. The only reason I got one student to turn in his project was because he liked the band and the historical events behind the song April 29, 1992. I think he later dropped out, but I got that assignment out of him :). He made the connection.

That Purdue basketball player was right and is still right. We can become better people with broadened influences. We can exhibit one message to the world through many different lenses. Thank you to Sublime and crew for doing that for me.

Boy Meets World

One of my favorite shows of all time is Boy Meets World. To me, it sums up growing up in the 90s. I wanted to be a mix of Cory and Shawn. At this time in my life I was the quirky, rule-following Cory, but definitely wanted to be the rebellious Shawn (if that is how you would characterize him :)). I wanted the girlfriend like Topanga and the hangout like Chubbie's Famous. I remember even trying to dress like Cory. At that time, bowling shirts were making a big comeback. This was the first time that I did not ask for a pair of basketball shoes for my back to school shoes, but something more fitting - a pair of Airwalks. Boy Meets World was such a great show and one that I continue to watch over and over. It was definitely TGIF era, but always maintained a realness about adolescence in the 90s. Without Cory, Shawn would have never made it and without Shawn, Cory would have been too naive for any situation. That is what friends are for, right? We all knew a Shawn, a Cory, and a Topanga. You may have even had an air-headed sibling like Eric. The show also mirrored the last year of my middle school experience. Up to this point, music was just music, it was for enjoyment, but I started to notice one thing amongst my peers - life imitating art.

I often comment to my wife that I miss the hidden, melancholy messages of 90s music. I'm not talking Dashboard Confessional emotional, but the type of emotion that you really had to listen to the lyrics. If you go back and re-listen to some of the albums I'll list below during this time period - you'll understand. Smart lyrics written by smart people. This was the time in my life where I started to realize that people were actually taking some of these lyrics seriously. Friends talking in class about trying marijuana, exploring their peer relationships further (very pc way of stating that), and expressing that their lives truly weren't that great. Grunge was huge and it was emotion-driven and expressive. The eighth grade was a bit like Blade Runner. It was a melting pot of rap, alternative, and classic rock. Much of everything reflected that from clothes to get-togethers.

One singular moment sticks out to me during this time period that sums up that I was not in Kansas anymore. I have no idea why I remember it, but I clearly do. The Foo Fighters first album had been out for a short time. Someone in my school clearly read the lyrics in the CD jacket and made a big deal about it. The song was This Is a Call and the lyric states, "Ritalin is easy, Ritalin is good". This was 1995 and I had no idea what Ritalin was. At the time, it seemed huge, but I'm not sure why. There were far worse songs with far worse lyrics, but this was the first mention of something that you would not necessarily see or hear on an episode of Cops. Definitely, a Boy Meets World moment, but one that shows how we grow accustomed to changes in society once we hear or experience them over and over. I think I remember one classmate in the entire grade (maybe the entire school) on Ritalin in the mid-90s. To me, that is crazy to believe.

That's it for middle school. Like most people's experience - a transition period. A period of finding out who you are and where to go. Man the music was great and still holds major weight today. I instantly see these album covers and know just about every song. From the awkward slow dances on a Friday night to skating around Angola on my cheap rollerblades - it's all there. It's an instant transport to my own Cory Matthews world.

95-96 album releases that summed up the melting pot:

• Jewel - Pieces of You
• Collective Soul - Collective Soul
• 2Pac - Me Against the World 
• Montell Jordan - This Is How We Do It
• White Zombie - Astro-Creep 2000
• Friday Soundtrack
• Alanis Morissette - Jagged Little Pill
• Foo Fighters - Foo Fighters
• 311 - 311
• Dangerous Minds Soundtrack
• Monica - Miss Thang
• The Presidents of the United States of America - The Presidents of the United States of America
• Ben Folds Five - Ben Folds Five
• Garbage - Garbage
• Oasis - (What's the Story?) Morning Glory 
• No Doubt - Tragic Kingdom
• The Smashing Pumpkins - Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness
• 2Pac - All Eyez on Me
• Rage Against the Machine - Evil Empire
• The Wallflowers - Bringing Down the Horse
• Sublime - Sublime
• Cake - Fashion Nugget

If I had to pick one that defined that time of my life it would have to be Oasis' - (What's The Story?) Morning Glory. Such an incredible album. I wish the Gallagher brothers could have a Shawn and Cory relationship.